Love thy enemy

Exodus 14:14 “The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still.”

Prayer:

Dear Lord may this testimony be more about YOU. May the things I write glorify You, may Your story inspire people who read this; may they feel Your everlasting love because You do not change.  Malachi 3:6

Lord, thank you for every teardrop that fell during those difficult times cos every teardrop led me closer to you.

Brief background:

2010- was probably the most eventful year of my life broke up with my long time BF who I thought I’d marry, RECEIVED JESUS CHRIST AS MY SAVIOUR, & December of that year,I dated a guy from work but discovered later on that he had GF. the long and the short of it were; I decided I couldn’t  (do it) and buried all my hopes for him (Don’t get me wrong I have done wrong things with him, I’ll spare you the details).

Romans 7:7 “do not desire what belongs to someone else”

2011- I travelled, this was my therapy to mend my broken heart. I was still leading a sinful life despite of but I know God was already working mightily in my heart. I was happy but not joyful. met a few good people who turned out to be my closest friends now.  MET A NEW GUY from a close friend who inspired me to be better. he was a good guy---an encourager, intelligent, SINGLE and a very good professional golfer! what can I ask for right? He was whom I wanted to be with but God had other plans. during the time we were dating he knows that the guy from work was still pursuing me. and he saw & heard all the drama - the endless phone conversations, & when I told the guy & girl to stop bugging me. This time I was already consistent with my Dgroup meetings, fellowship nights in Makati & my quiet time. I was sooo lost but Slowly God was changing my heart.

2 Timothy 2:23-26

23 Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, 26 and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will.

Going back to the phone conversations this was when I got to talk to CANDY, who i mentioned earlier who was cheated on, betrayed and rejected. Of course, I already knew what her reactions would be. I was so confused at that time but there was a still voice in my heart that said pick up the phone. the voice also said, she had already gone thru enough, a close friend of mine told me not to talk to her or text her but I just had to follow that voice. Every conversation with her would always end up with either her crying or me consoling her, my apology wasn’t doing any good & not getting through to her (I know right? What was I thinking? I was in the middle of this) Candy was so shattered I could hear it in her voice. she wanted to see me but my discipler & my friend said that I shouldn’t. they said that I should let it pass and let God handle it. all those phone conversations would always focus around me or her future plans with that guy. I probably heard the worst possible thing that you could ever say to a person and it made me feel worthless, rejected & belittled. I cried to God and I asked him why but I have never mustered the strength to fight back, I surrendered to His will. Though I have gained a lot of insecurities, which I thought I would never have & yes, I have murdered her countless times in my mind but God would always hold me accountable.

Moving forward this was when God revealed me my life verses:

EXODUS 14:14 & PROVERBS 15:15

God gave me a sense of peace whenever I recite those verses but I know that I will always have that bondage of bitterness and unforgiveness.

God said love your enemies (Matthew 5:44) and die to yourself these was His specific orders.
There was a time when I thought it was all over-- 2012 was quieter. i still traveled, met different people all over and made happy memories. but come last quarter of that year, all hell broke loose. I decided to give that guy a chance. i brought him to church cos he said everything was ok now.
Next thing I know, our pictures with hate remarks went trending on facebook and a hella lot of drama coming from everywhere. I was so exhausted but then again God reminded me to stay silent  (I won’t expound anymore this is his story to tell)

Every day I battled it out with God esp during those times when people who are close to candy would just judge me straight up or say “sya ba un?” I shout to God & ask Him if it’s time to defend myself. But he would always say “Be still and know I’m God”. Psalm 46:10 He has given me the Holy Spirit to walk by faith and be in complete obedience.  Every day I pray that if God can forgive me through Jesus Christ then He could help me forgive Candy because she is a child of God and He loves her dearly.

There is not a day that goes by that I don’t struggle but I wonder what if I opened my angry mouth and exposed my hard heart? Then probably our story would have been longer.  As I write this, God reminded me about 

Proverbs 18:20-21  A man's belly shall be satisfied with the fruit of his mouth; and with the increase of his lips shall he be filled. 21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.

I have watched this from Pastor Robert Morris’ sermon “Value of Words” and he explained:

“THE QUALITY OF OUR LIVES IS DEPENDENT UPON THE WORDS WE SPEAK”

So if you have a hard heart then you will speak of evil things which is considered as unpardonable sin but as long as you’re breathing, Romans 10:9

Confess with your mouth and believe in your heart and you will be saved!

Convicted about this cos I’m a straight shooter (frank) I’ve learned about the seven divine words to healing relationship and that is; “ I was wrong, will you forgive me?”

“Satan will stop everyone from loving God” and so it means it will stop you and me to love each other and I am very happy that by God’s grace He didn’t let Candy and I be won over by Satan!

Candy, My tweenie Riva & Carmi

(at the "A BEAUTIFUL EXCHANGE" retreat)

I’m in awe with how God orchestrates things. Most of the time, I think He’s hilarious!
Finally the climax of my story!!!!

Would you believe that close friend of mine who told me to shut up and to not talk to candy was the same person she talked to in a retreat? She was her facilitator and her prayer partner and to top it all off, our mutual friend the one who introduced Candy to CCF was bedmates with that close friend of mine!
Wow mind blown right?

My friend was telling me how God erased everything she knew about Candy (of course, I'm her friend, if she knew who Candy was then, her thoughts would have probably been tainted) she genuinely prayed with her. Again, it was proof that God was in control.

Candy told my friend of her desires to talk to me (they said that they had a very madrama encounter)-- I will leave this part for Candy to share. After the retreat, my friend called me up and while she was telling me the details of the story, I heard God told me “it’s time”. I was doubtful at first. I couldn’t chew on the things my friend was telling me but the next thing I knew, I was praying and unblocking Candy on FB. I messaged her first and it was the best decision that I’ve done out of all these years that I’ve been held captive of unforgiving. I thought in my mind that I have forgiven her fully but God said there’s no 3/4. I’ve attached our actual conversation so that whoever reads this will be blessed by God’s story.

                                          

Candy's response:

As soon as I read Candy’s messages, I fell on my knees and cried out to God profusely and said to Him "I thought you were done with me, I thought the fighting was over." I was praising Him and giving Him thanks because I never thought that a sinner like me would be used for His greater glory. He made true His promises and cradled me like a baby- it was an indescribable feeling. He actually made me feel the AGAPE kind of love. I felt like I was in the movies I cried TEARS OF JOY for about 30minutes! I cried after that for several times while I was sharing it with my mentors cos the impossible became possible the Holy Spirit made me believe and be hopeful in Him. it’s like having the fruits of the Spirit come inside me all at once I was reminded that it was no longer me but HE who lives in me! Galatians 2:20

The values of our prayers are dependent deep inside of our hearts (willingness, passionate & committed.)

Jesus can make you believe that you CAN if you CAN’T only if you believe!

God is merciful that even if you have doubts just pray, be honest and He will definitely change your heart!

Candy was once my enemy but now she is my sister in Christ!

Romans 1:8-12 “ what I mean is that both you & I will be helped at the same time, you by my faith and I by yours.

Jesus has won today, tomorrow, forever & always! God loves His people! 

Thank you Father for the fresh start! You are indeed the God of perfect timing, peace, healing & restoration! To you be all the glory, honor and faith!

I love you Holy Spirit! I love you Jesus! I love you Father God!

Two sides of ME

Matthew 7:1
"Do not judge so that you will not be judged"."For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you. 


YOU (the devil in me)

Today, exactly a year ago, marks the day whereas my reputation was tainted; people put me to the cross and called me names. My humility and patience was tested but I thank the Lord, My Father who made sure that I won't do anything that I would regret. 

I'm not really sure why I'm writing this but my emotions dictated me to do so. Possibly, the wounds are far from being healed or probably because I'm a ticking time bomb just waiting to explode, given the current circumstances. So I guess writing is better than exploding. =)

YOU, you have caused me a lot. Like you, it took me a while to have the courage to say something I really mean but unlike you, I won't let other people be in our mess. This is just between you and me. 

YOU, I thought you knew better. I thought that you're the type of YOU who would be careful enough to protect your name. Unlike you, I would do everything with CLASS to protect mine. 

YOU, you forgot about self respect and respect for others. Unlike you, over the past years, I've learned that loving yourself first is the best way to go about life. God, myself then others (in the exact same order). 

YOU, the emotional suicidal psychopath, the liar, the dependent, the attention-seeker you ruined you and your relationship to that one person who you think didn't care for you. Unlike you, the worst thing I could do when I'm mad is to trash my stuff, curse and cry myself to sleep but never ever hurt, accuse, judge and convict someone I barely know.

YOU, you took matters in your own hands. You forced someone to be with you and blame your lack of efforts to others. Unlike you, I am writing this now because I don't want to be YOU. I want to embrace the uncertainty that my relationship offers me and quit it if it doesn't serve me good anymore.

You're right, the truth shall prevail and you're right when you said that karma is on its way. Guess what? I wish you won't experience those and I pray that God would heal your wounds and make YOU extremely happy. I forgive YOU.

YOU, (the devil in me) could have been me a year ago but I'm glad I chose a different path and that path brought me to where i always wanted to be.

Thank you Lord for giving me the wisdom and the strength to move forward. You are indeed faithful to your promises! lastly, Thank you for giving me a very loving and supportive family!

"Let go and let God"


ME  (To God, be all the glory, honor and faith)

Highest to lowest

SAGADA

Plethora of nothingness

The never ending journey of tomorrow

i thrive

i thrive to understand the odious cosmos of what lies ahead

if only stumbling was plausible

if only giving up was acceptable

then i wouldn't have to face tomorrow

Restless Heart, if only you can understand that you have been

beaten up for countless times

then you won't have to endure the impalpable route of faith

You'd figure it out

the devastating game of the brave and the heartless 

Psycho

Only poetry soothes your soul, music to keep you alive

When you know darling that truth is more obvious than the lie

When you know that you should put aside animosity,

And give yourself a chance to survive

You have yet to learn about altruism because you feed your absurdism

With your hateful heart, with your lack of trust in life

She guides you to safety but you fight

You antsy, antsy little boy when your journey should be easy as pie

Your filthy mouth, buried her alive

Hate is not practiced, an enduring soul

Forgiveness is the light of tomorrow

Hush now, it’s over

Open your eyes, your senses

 The whiff of the cigarette slowly fades away

Inhale the scent of your last memories of her

As she exhales and exit with a smile on her face                  

Happy Birthday

There's too much love in my heart

Poems

Too late

Butterflies, rainbow and Honey comb scent,wake up! Slow kisses, hands clasped together, Wake up!  
Do i want to wake up?              
                          
Uncertainty, tears and frustration, please stop! Heart beat fading, Throbbing, suffocation, stop! 
Do i want to stop?                  
                                                         
Gasping for air, cold misty breeze, choose! Electric touch, soft spoken words, choose! 
Do i have a choice?

Tongue tied, emotions pulled back, someday i'll know my heart,a second too late. Am i too late?

I thought i knew,

i never knew i needed YOU.

Wake me up! stop me! Choose me! It's too late


                            

 Brand new day

Tick tok says the loud heartbeat, almost coming out of the chest. 

Coookooroo the sound of the ever impatient rooster in the backyard. 

Click clack busy helper cooking in the kitchen 

Swoosh,swooshh the streets are starting to hustle and bustle

Ghfftyvxauh people started to open their mouths, vocal exercise 

Light coming in the window, eyes are already squinting, the mind hastily started working, trying to sort out the most apt thoughts for the first decision of the day, it's trying....trying, thriving to squeeze something good to come out but immediately thwarted by what is it again? In the doldrums.

Then it spoke, without much thought and care: Good Morning! go back to bed. Go back to bed! 

Thoughts started to swoon then the body automatically shut down. 

It's a brand new day. 

What heals me

Aside from God the father

What heals me are my BOOKS, MUSIC and YOGA

Too much stress and too much drama, so i decided to F work today and listen to Mumford and Sons, finish Aleph and go to yoga. sometimes you just got to do what you got to do, for your sanity and for a lil' bit of happiness.

Mumford and Sons- I WILL WAIT

“I gaze lovingly at "Hilal" a love that is reflected through time or what we imagine to be time, as in a mirror. She was never mine and never will be; that is how it is. We are both creators and creatures, but we are also puppets in God's hands, and there is a line we cannot cross, a line that was drawn for reasons we cannot know. We can approach and even dabble our toes in the river but we are forbidden to plunge in and let ourselves be carried along by the current.”
― Paulo Coelho, Aleph

Chocolates

New life

by: Zino Zagala

With each new wind that comes
we are shaken free from dead leaves and overdue invitations of sleeping owls and crows.
With each fresh northward and westward jolt
we are brought closer to the coming new batch of blooms and birds.
As the seasons run their fingers through our head of pines and cherry blossoms,
and our fruits are scattered across the feet of time and space
new life will be found and will become more than simply moments between violent bursts and gentle breezes.
New life will become constant.
New life will become forever,
and new life will finally be life the wind will hold instead of smother,
kiss rather than carry away,
and guide rather than conquer.

In the new life found through a thousand seasons of winter and spring,
coming winds no longer will shake to renew,
but shake to say “simply passing through”.

As I read this poem written by a good friend who I thought at first was the perfect definition of “Apathetic” but in all fairness, I was inspired by it and it made me realize that some people may try their best to cover the emotional leaks that they have in their lives but at the end of the day, they unconsciously prevail their own silence in one way or another. :)

But anyways, I’m sharing this because I loved the context of the poem, it is like a long version of this quote which I really like “Life is like a box of chocolates, you’ll never know what you are gonna get”. it is true “new life is constant”, there is no perfect formula on how to get the yummy-iest chocolate ever inside the box, not unless we look at the labels and pick whatever it is that we want to have but where’s the fun of it? Or not unless, we are born to follow a specific routine and that we are called “robots” though I know some and it pains me to see how unfulfilled they are with their lives, full of boundaries and restrictions. People who are controlled and become selfish oh well, you can only pray for them because the moment you dip your finger in their water you can possibly become like them.

 Point is Life should be taken as it is, enjoy and savor every dark chocolate, mint chocolate until you get your favorite taste of chocolate and because you waited for it, it will give you a sense of appreciation or we can choose our chocolates each day but it’s not every day that we are lucky to have that privilege or probably we get tired of it and choose a different one until we find that sense of fulfillment but I say, just take them, eyes closed, open mouth, happy heart and be surprised of  the adventure of tasting each and every chocolate that you are gonna get.

Besides all of them are chocolates, all of them are supposed to be good.

You’ll never know, maybe all your life you just wanted to have a milk chocolate but because you believe that there is something more to life, you taste something better.

“New life is constant, new life is forever”