Close but no cigar

Passage from “Anne of Avonlea by L.M. Montgomery”

“Perhaps, after all, romance did not come into one’s life with pomp and blare, like a gay knight riding down; perhaps it crept to one’s side like an old friend through quiet ways; perhaps it revealed itself in seeming prose, until some sudden shaft of illumination flung athwart its pages betrayed the rhythm and the music; perhaps.. Perhaps..Love unfolded naturally out of a beautiful friendship, as a golden-hearted rose slipping from its green sheath.”

“Perhaps after all our worries and questions, we’ll discover that all along God had the right thing at the right time for us. perhaps His plan is more wonderful than anything we could create by ourselves-whether it comes with “pomp and blare” or quietly,” like a friend”

Perhaps…perhaps... We should entrust our questions of “how?” and “who” and “when” into his tender care”

Sure we were great, we sure do know that love existed but I believe that God wanted us to stop it before we create bitterness and hatred to each other, our knowledge for romance wasn’t enough to have that kind of relationship, even my readiness and wisdom for commitment was so shallow and selfish and he on the other hand, doesn’t even have an idea of how he feels, a bit of a loose cannon. God gave us this wonderful gift of affection that we didn’t know how to use, we hastily did the unthinkable without taking precautions, our team up was so well-liked that we felt the need to please everyone, without thinking if it will do us good. They say that if you get emotionally attached then you give a part of your heart and that’s exactly what we did and it brought us both joy and sadness. We were so ahead of God without consulting what he wanted us to enjoy and learn, so as I look back, God merely wanted us to enjoy friendship. God knows that we weren’t ready because we were still battling our own personal turmoil.

I’m elated on how God is changing my heart, on how he wanted me to glorify him by doing everything for him, his way, to point to his greatness and reflect His goodness. My selfless desire to do what’s best for him,stood out so I dug a hole and buried all my hopes for him, I submitted all my feelings and longings to God and told him “One day, if you want to dig this up again, I know you can make it happen but if it isn’t your will then it stays there forever” all I can say right now that what happened was a complete success, now we must learn that friendship, should have an appropriate pace, focus and space.same goes with romance ~ "do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires" song of songs 8:4

Day 4: Better now

Cut the drama and move on. when you feel that sense of peace, claim it!

I always say "oh life you're so messy and unpredictable but na-ah you won't get the best of me!"

if there's one important thing that i have learned in 2011 that would be "sacrificial love"

and deym, i really feel good about it. no regrets, no bitterness or whatsoever.

I've learned a lot about myself too, how much i can give and adjust, how far i can go to care for someone and the test of it all was, how i can let go and still see that person as a blessing in my life. "I DID IT!" :)

Our attitude in life should always be "bring it on, break me, test me" because at the end of the day, it ought to teach you a great lesson, so "stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone oughtta be!" live your life! fear won't get you anywhere, embrace uncertainty! this is what we are made of and bound to do, it is for us to learn and experience life as it should be!

"When we want to grow, when we want Love, when we want to create a new life - uncertainty is always something we come up against. And in the fear of the uncertainty and the assumption of a negative outcome, we don't do anything. And as a result we keep ourselves trapped."

I always hear this quote and now, i really appreciate it.

"laugh as much as you breathe and love as long as you live" 

So tomorrow when i wake up, i would gladly tell myself: "you did it olgs!, so now smile! then go and find your new teacher or better yet it'll find you!"

Day 2: When all hope is gone, listen to a happy tune.

I learned this song from a friend and I couldn’t be more thankful because now it’s really my go-to song whenever I feel like all hope is gone. It somehow alleviates the spiteful feeling that you have, the tune would instantly brighten up your day, be it about work, love, actually it really depends on how you interpret it but for me it is applicable in every aspect of my life. The lyrics is so straight to the point that it would instantaneously hit your core and you’d end up singing with Michael buble  and yes, he lives up to his name because he really gives you that happy bubble.

I wish I could put the music video here but because I’m a fail person meaning I-don’t-know-how. I’ll just share the lyrics and jeez people there are what you call Google and you tube :)

Haven’t met you yet by: Michael buble

I’m not surprised NOT EVERYTHING LAST, I’ve broken my heart, so many times I stopped keeping track I talked myself in, I talked myself out, I get all worked up, I let myself down.

I try very hard not to lose it, I came up with a million excuses, I thought I thought of every possibility and I KNOW SOMEDAY IT’LL ALL WORK OUT, YOU’LL MAKE ME WORK, SO WE CAN WORK TO WORK IT OUT. I promise you kid, that I’ll get so much more than I get, I JUST HAVEN’T MET YOU YET.

I MIGHT HAVE TO WAIT, I’LL NEVER GIVE UP. I guess its half timing and the other half’s luck. WHEREVER YOU ARE, WHENEVER IT’S RIGHT,YOU’LL COME OUT OF NOWHERE AND INTO MY LIFE AND I KNOW THAT WE CAN BE SO AMAZING and I know that your love is gonna change me and now I can see every possibility.

They say it’s all fair and in love and war but I WON’T NEED TO FIGHT IT, WE COULDN’T FIGHT IT, WE’LL BE UNITED.

Don’t you just love it?

Love, it will come and it’ll find you when you least expect it but for now all we have to do is, believe, have faith that it will come and make ourselves better because all precious things don’t come easily or we don’t get it easily. It is a constant struggle because it prepares us to our one great love.

We’ll never know maybe tomorrow we’re bound to sing neyo’s song, all in God’s perfect timing.

“I’m in love, love love and I think about my real thing, got a love that will make your heart sing, love love you got me singing la la la lalala”- Neyo :)

Day facking one: Self worth

It’s the time that you tell yourself:  Stop crying, get out of your bed, look in the mirror and say:  

You can surpass this!

Life may feel like its dwindling or falling apart or you feel like killing yourself to ease the pain (no, I was kidding, no one should ever have that thought in mind) the long and the short of it is, pain is ephemeral. It is healthy to grieve for your losses but then if you overdo it and you start thinking that you don’t have a ghost of a chance to get over it then you will be doomed for life.

But the good thing about life is that when you know your worth then you wouldn’t even consider crying! But of course, most of us are really having a hard time attaining self worth, tell me about it because I’m still dealing with it. Having self worth doesn’t mean to spite people off or be egotistical. it is merely telling yourself everyday that you can’t afford to look ugly because people are judgmental (kidding). Oh by the way self worth and self esteem are different. Self worth is a vital belief of empowering oneself, it is our core of our ability to believe in ourselves through faith, and it comes from the inside. Let us simplify it “if you have it, you won’t commit suicide” as for self esteem the criteria of it comes from the outside (other people) or the better our performance is the higher the esteem awarded to it. Anyways, self worth is vital for us to survive, it let us out of the abyss that we are in and it pulls us up in the twilight.it Make us stop thinking about whether to be between the devil or the deep blue sea.

Life is simple it’s either you fish or you cut bait.

Got inked!

Ohhh olGAGA.. what did you do again? when in doubt, JUST DO IT!
finally, i had the courage to do it again and i told myself that it's the last!
Since i'm still lazy to post my New Year blog, this should go first!
Also, it was fun doing something so surreal with my good ole office mates!
it was nice to catch up with you guys! :) what was our peg again?

                                                  four leaf clover for luck!

I can relate

~Your father finished his work on earth and left the stage in a manner that leaves those of us left behind with a cry of agony in our heart as the fragile thread of our faith is dealt with so unexpectedly. Is anyone strong enough to stay conscious through such teachings as you are receiving? Probably very few, and even they would only have a whisper of equanimity and peace amidst the screaming trumpets of their rage, grief, horror and desolation. I can't assuage your pain with any words, nor should I. For your pain is your Father's legacy to you, not that he or I would inflict such pain by choice, but there it is. And it must burn its purifying way to completion, for something in you dies when you bear the unbearable. It is only in that dark night of the soul that you are prepared to see as God sees, and to love as God loves.

Now is the time to let your grief find expression, no falses friend. Now is the time to sit quietly and speak to your father and thank him for being with you for these years and encourage him to go on with whatever his work is. Knowing that you will grow in compassion and wisdom from this experience. In my heart I know that you and he will meet again and again and recognize the many ways in which you have known each other, and when you meet you will know in a flash what now it is not given to you to know: why this had to be the way it was.

Our rational minds can never understand what has happened, but our hearts if we keep them open to God will find their own intuitive way. Your father came to do his work on earth, which includes his manner of death. Now his soul is free and the love that you can share with him is invulnerable to the winds of changing time and space, in that deep love, include me.

In love,

 Olga

When things go wrong.. SKETCH!

I'm glad that blogging and sketching alleviates the stress that i have right now.

I don't know why i drew a ship maybe because my unconscious mind is telling me to travel?

ohh that was shallow or maybe,on a serious note : " i'm sailing away, cause I've got to be free,free to face the life ahead of me, on board i'm the captain, so climb aboard, we'll search tomorrow on every shore, and oh lord, i'll try to carry on!"

Sail away and start a new