Psycho

Only poetry soothes your soul, music to keep you alive

When you know darling that truth is more obvious than the lie

When you know that you should put aside animosity,

And give yourself a chance to survive

You have yet to learn about altruism because you feed your absurdism

With your hateful heart, with your lack of trust in life

She guides you to safety but you fight

You antsy, antsy little boy when your journey should be easy as pie

Your filthy mouth, buried her alive

Hate is not practiced, an enduring soul

Forgiveness is the light of tomorrow

Hush now, it’s over

Open your eyes, your senses

 The whiff of the cigarette slowly fades away

Inhale the scent of your last memories of her

As she exhales and exit with a smile on her face                  

Happy Birthday

There's too much love in my heart

Poems

Too late

Butterflies, rainbow and Honey comb scent,wake up! Slow kisses, hands clasped together, Wake up!  
Do i want to wake up?              
                          
Uncertainty, tears and frustration, please stop! Heart beat fading, Throbbing, suffocation, stop! 
Do i want to stop?                  
                                                         
Gasping for air, cold misty breeze, choose! Electric touch, soft spoken words, choose! 
Do i have a choice?

Tongue tied, emotions pulled back, someday i'll know my heart,a second too late. Am i too late?

I thought i knew,

i never knew i needed YOU.

Wake me up! stop me! Choose me! It's too late


                            

 Brand new day

Tick tok says the loud heartbeat, almost coming out of the chest. 

Coookooroo the sound of the ever impatient rooster in the backyard. 

Click clack busy helper cooking in the kitchen 

Swoosh,swooshh the streets are starting to hustle and bustle

Ghfftyvxauh people started to open their mouths, vocal exercise 

Light coming in the window, eyes are already squinting, the mind hastily started working, trying to sort out the most apt thoughts for the first decision of the day, it's trying....trying, thriving to squeeze something good to come out but immediately thwarted by what is it again? In the doldrums.

Then it spoke, without much thought and care: Good Morning! go back to bed. Go back to bed! 

Thoughts started to swoon then the body automatically shut down. 

It's a brand new day. 

What heals me

Aside from God the father

What heals me are my BOOKS, MUSIC and YOGA

Too much stress and too much drama, so i decided to F work today and listen to Mumford and Sons, finish Aleph and go to yoga. sometimes you just got to do what you got to do, for your sanity and for a lil' bit of happiness.

Mumford and Sons- I WILL WAIT

“I gaze lovingly at "Hilal" a love that is reflected through time or what we imagine to be time, as in a mirror. She was never mine and never will be; that is how it is. We are both creators and creatures, but we are also puppets in God's hands, and there is a line we cannot cross, a line that was drawn for reasons we cannot know. We can approach and even dabble our toes in the river but we are forbidden to plunge in and let ourselves be carried along by the current.”
― Paulo Coelho, Aleph

Chocolates

New life

by: Zino Zagala

With each new wind that comes
we are shaken free from dead leaves and overdue invitations of sleeping owls and crows.
With each fresh northward and westward jolt
we are brought closer to the coming new batch of blooms and birds.
As the seasons run their fingers through our head of pines and cherry blossoms,
and our fruits are scattered across the feet of time and space
new life will be found and will become more than simply moments between violent bursts and gentle breezes.
New life will become constant.
New life will become forever,
and new life will finally be life the wind will hold instead of smother,
kiss rather than carry away,
and guide rather than conquer.

In the new life found through a thousand seasons of winter and spring,
coming winds no longer will shake to renew,
but shake to say “simply passing through”.

As I read this poem written by a good friend who I thought at first was the perfect definition of “Apathetic” but in all fairness, I was inspired by it and it made me realize that some people may try their best to cover the emotional leaks that they have in their lives but at the end of the day, they unconsciously prevail their own silence in one way or another. :)

But anyways, I’m sharing this because I loved the context of the poem, it is like a long version of this quote which I really like “Life is like a box of chocolates, you’ll never know what you are gonna get”. it is true “new life is constant”, there is no perfect formula on how to get the yummy-iest chocolate ever inside the box, not unless we look at the labels and pick whatever it is that we want to have but where’s the fun of it? Or not unless, we are born to follow a specific routine and that we are called “robots” though I know some and it pains me to see how unfulfilled they are with their lives, full of boundaries and restrictions. People who are controlled and become selfish oh well, you can only pray for them because the moment you dip your finger in their water you can possibly become like them.

 Point is Life should be taken as it is, enjoy and savor every dark chocolate, mint chocolate until you get your favorite taste of chocolate and because you waited for it, it will give you a sense of appreciation or we can choose our chocolates each day but it’s not every day that we are lucky to have that privilege or probably we get tired of it and choose a different one until we find that sense of fulfillment but I say, just take them, eyes closed, open mouth, happy heart and be surprised of  the adventure of tasting each and every chocolate that you are gonna get.

Besides all of them are chocolates, all of them are supposed to be good.

You’ll never know, maybe all your life you just wanted to have a milk chocolate but because you believe that there is something more to life, you taste something better.

“New life is constant, new life is forever”

This too shall pass

I Corinthians 10:12 
"This too shall pass."

They say that wisdom without application is worthless, I never thought that life can hit me this hard, when I’m already thriving and suffocated. It’s hard to actually apply the things that I’ve learned in my walk as a Christian with this experience. As I look back and ponder on the things that I have learned, I couldn’t quite grasp the Idea of forgiving and deal with criticism. I think God wants me to learn it now, as I read this in the bible, Joshua 1:9 “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." I’m blessed that I have a loving Father who talks to me, who knows my ways and who knows my heart even if I haven’t started talking to Him yet. He says: people make mistakes therefore it is essential that you learn how to deal with criticism. Not all criticism is constructive; quite often people's disapproval of your actions is personal and offensive. You must not become defensive or react in anger. You are called to be patient and wise when you deal with disagreements and conflict. You must listen carefully and respond lovingly. Your response to criticism must be done in a godly manner. You must accept everyone’s mistake and trust ME to set things right.



So I asked myself: ~do you have the patience to burn in the fire of your Soul's purification? Can you allow your ego to be burned up through the humble trials of the human experience? Can you die to the fear of your fears and face a new fear daily knowing that it is how you grow?  I know in my heart that humility is the key to overcome this, which I am just one out of the many seekers who are unique and special in their own way that thrives for the meaning of life. This experience was a shock and it caught me off guard but God told me that “this too shall pass” 



So I let go, I give up and I will accept all the things that will come my way and apply the knowledge that’s within me. We all signed up for stress and complications in search of love and for the infinite, “What then shall we say to all this? If God is for us, who can be against us? Who can be our foe, if God is on our side? He who did not withhold or spare even His own Son but gave Him up for us all, will He not also with Him freely and graciously give us all other things?”Romans 8: 31-32



So I say, I will have a good fight for you Lord, the one that is just and walk in your affirmation.1 Corinthians 13:6-7 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.

Word impacts lives

Consider, even just for a heartbeat.

I tell that to myself.

Sometimes we are so busy in our lives that we tend to forget the people that really matters, the people who gave us utmost importance when we need something, our punching bags whenever we want to vent, and we do or say hurtful unreasonable stuff to them merely because we just want to be our selfish selves. We forget the people who helped us get there or who is helping us or walking with us to reach our specific goals in life, who believes in us even if we have lost faith in ourselves. These people are silent, just letting us be, they give us unconditional love, they don’t ask for appreciation or our efforts to be with them. They just take whatever we give and somehow suffer in silence, just so we can spread our wings and fly or just because it makes them happy when they see us happy.

These people knows you and have your best interest at heart, they speak not using their mouth but their heart. They build bridges and try to connect, communicate and compliment you, the best possible way they know how. They listen to our unspoken word, they understand and affirm. They guide us and hope that it’s for the best and when all else fail in our lives, they will be the one to pick us up, comfort us and encourage us to stand up and face life again head on.

Let’s focus on the heart, to be firm less often and affirm much more, positive words has positive outcome.

So if you know these people, don’t let go, love them and cherish them every waking moment.

Thank you to my family and friends but I take this time to thank my Tita Des, it’s her 45^th birthday says my lola. She’s my role model ever since I was a kid, she spent most of her time with me during those times that she was single, we would go to mass together and she would give me a treat whenever I behave or when she doesn’t have money she would just say Good girl and I would walk proudly. She also taught me how to color and doodle perfectly before she goes to work, I remember she says:  “Color the outline of the figure first and from there, work your way by shading it in one direction” and that changed my life forever. They say you need to spend time with those you want to influence. “Be a good model because your children will become who you are today” 1 Corinthians 11:1

So here I am pursuing my dream to become an Architect just like her because when I grow up, I want to be exactly like her only thinner and of course maybe better. I kid. (Not really) I know she is a tough act to follow but I’ll try my best to do so even if I’m a hybrid of all craziness.  Sorry for the headaches and heartaches, though I’m not quite sure if I can be consistent with it but the long and the short of it is 

Thank you tita! Happy birthday, I love you!

"Insist on yourself, Never imitate."

What a treat to sit and stare at our empty house while my family enjoy every second of their vacation in Boracay. Though I wonder if it is really a pleasing occurrence or a plethora of nothingness, since I am writing this blog, it means that my mind is idle, wandering and I’m not doing what I’m supposed to be doing which is studying. So ergo, I guess being alone is not doing me good.

I’m fascinated on how are mind works, how it filters what it wants to think or give the go signal to direct what it wants to do, Our minds continually look for evidence, why we’re thinking this and that. For example, instead of me thinking that being alone is a challenge, an opportunity to study and reflect, I opted to take the other route which is “I’m doomed and I’m lonely” why not ruin their vacation and tell them that I can’t take it? That’s my selfish self thinking because I’m too preoccupied with what I feel that I need to feel good for the expense of others. So I figured that having a good mindset  would take us the extra mile and not just that, practicing humility is a must. Yes, it’s not easy but if we don’t follow through, we will be back to the same pit hole that we were once in. so instead of sulking and feeding our minds with negativity, why don’t we just embrace or see that every setback is a challenge and it’s a never ending journey of adventure in our lives and continually look for evidence that what will do us good and lastly, to have that thought in mind that HE got our backs.

Before quitting, think again. Before deciding, think again. Before speaking, think again.

"It all depends on how we look at things, and not on how they are themselves."