Two sides of ME

Matthew 7:1
"Do not judge so that you will not be judged"."For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you. 


YOU (the devil in me)

Today, exactly a year ago, marks the day whereas my reputation was tainted; people put me to the cross and called me names. My humility and patience was tested but I thank the Lord, My Father who made sure that I won't do anything that I would regret. 

I'm not really sure why I'm writing this but my emotions dictated me to do so. Possibly, the wounds are far from being healed or probably because I'm a ticking time bomb just waiting to explode, given the current circumstances. So I guess writing is better than exploding. =)

YOU, you have caused me a lot. Like you, it took me a while to have the courage to say something I really mean but unlike you, I won't let other people be in our mess. This is just between you and me. 

YOU, I thought you knew better. I thought that you're the type of YOU who would be careful enough to protect your name. Unlike you, I would do everything with CLASS to protect mine. 

YOU, you forgot about self respect and respect for others. Unlike you, over the past years, I've learned that loving yourself first is the best way to go about life. God, myself then others (in the exact same order). 

YOU, the emotional suicidal psychopath, the liar, the dependent, the attention-seeker you ruined you and your relationship to that one person who you think didn't care for you. Unlike you, the worst thing I could do when I'm mad is to trash my stuff, curse and cry myself to sleep but never ever hurt, accuse, judge and convict someone I barely know.

YOU, you took matters in your own hands. You forced someone to be with you and blame your lack of efforts to others. Unlike you, I am writing this now because I don't want to be YOU. I want to embrace the uncertainty that my relationship offers me and quit it if it doesn't serve me good anymore.

You're right, the truth shall prevail and you're right when you said that karma is on its way. Guess what? I wish you won't experience those and I pray that God would heal your wounds and make YOU extremely happy. I forgive YOU.

YOU, (the devil in me) could have been me a year ago but I'm glad I chose a different path and that path brought me to where i always wanted to be.

Thank you Lord for giving me the wisdom and the strength to move forward. You are indeed faithful to your promises! lastly, Thank you for giving me a very loving and supportive family!

"Let go and let God"


ME  (To God, be all the glory, honor and faith)

Highest to lowest

SAGADA

Plethora of nothingness

The never ending journey of tomorrow

i thrive

i thrive to understand the odious cosmos of what lies ahead

if only stumbling was plausible

if only giving up was acceptable

then i wouldn't have to face tomorrow

Restless Heart, if only you can understand that you have been

beaten up for countless times

then you won't have to endure the impalpable route of faith

You'd figure it out

the devastating game of the brave and the heartless 

Psycho

Only poetry soothes your soul, music to keep you alive

When you know darling that truth is more obvious than the lie

When you know that you should put aside animosity,

And give yourself a chance to survive

You have yet to learn about altruism because you feed your absurdism

With your hateful heart, with your lack of trust in life

She guides you to safety but you fight

You antsy, antsy little boy when your journey should be easy as pie

Your filthy mouth, buried her alive

Hate is not practiced, an enduring soul

Forgiveness is the light of tomorrow

Hush now, it’s over

Open your eyes, your senses

 The whiff of the cigarette slowly fades away

Inhale the scent of your last memories of her

As she exhales and exit with a smile on her face                  

Happy Birthday

There's too much love in my heart

Poems

Too late

Butterflies, rainbow and Honey comb scent,wake up! Slow kisses, hands clasped together, Wake up!  
Do i want to wake up?              
                          
Uncertainty, tears and frustration, please stop! Heart beat fading, Throbbing, suffocation, stop! 
Do i want to stop?                  
                                                         
Gasping for air, cold misty breeze, choose! Electric touch, soft spoken words, choose! 
Do i have a choice?

Tongue tied, emotions pulled back, someday i'll know my heart,a second too late. Am i too late?

I thought i knew,

i never knew i needed YOU.

Wake me up! stop me! Choose me! It's too late


                            

 Brand new day

Tick tok says the loud heartbeat, almost coming out of the chest. 

Coookooroo the sound of the ever impatient rooster in the backyard. 

Click clack busy helper cooking in the kitchen 

Swoosh,swooshh the streets are starting to hustle and bustle

Ghfftyvxauh people started to open their mouths, vocal exercise 

Light coming in the window, eyes are already squinting, the mind hastily started working, trying to sort out the most apt thoughts for the first decision of the day, it's trying....trying, thriving to squeeze something good to come out but immediately thwarted by what is it again? In the doldrums.

Then it spoke, without much thought and care: Good Morning! go back to bed. Go back to bed! 

Thoughts started to swoon then the body automatically shut down. 

It's a brand new day. 

What heals me

Aside from God the father

What heals me are my BOOKS, MUSIC and YOGA

Too much stress and too much drama, so i decided to F work today and listen to Mumford and Sons, finish Aleph and go to yoga. sometimes you just got to do what you got to do, for your sanity and for a lil' bit of happiness.

Mumford and Sons- I WILL WAIT

“I gaze lovingly at "Hilal" a love that is reflected through time or what we imagine to be time, as in a mirror. She was never mine and never will be; that is how it is. We are both creators and creatures, but we are also puppets in God's hands, and there is a line we cannot cross, a line that was drawn for reasons we cannot know. We can approach and even dabble our toes in the river but we are forbidden to plunge in and let ourselves be carried along by the current.”
― Paulo Coelho, Aleph

Chocolates

New life

by: Zino Zagala

With each new wind that comes
we are shaken free from dead leaves and overdue invitations of sleeping owls and crows.
With each fresh northward and westward jolt
we are brought closer to the coming new batch of blooms and birds.
As the seasons run their fingers through our head of pines and cherry blossoms,
and our fruits are scattered across the feet of time and space
new life will be found and will become more than simply moments between violent bursts and gentle breezes.
New life will become constant.
New life will become forever,
and new life will finally be life the wind will hold instead of smother,
kiss rather than carry away,
and guide rather than conquer.

In the new life found through a thousand seasons of winter and spring,
coming winds no longer will shake to renew,
but shake to say “simply passing through”.

As I read this poem written by a good friend who I thought at first was the perfect definition of “Apathetic” but in all fairness, I was inspired by it and it made me realize that some people may try their best to cover the emotional leaks that they have in their lives but at the end of the day, they unconsciously prevail their own silence in one way or another. :)

But anyways, I’m sharing this because I loved the context of the poem, it is like a long version of this quote which I really like “Life is like a box of chocolates, you’ll never know what you are gonna get”. it is true “new life is constant”, there is no perfect formula on how to get the yummy-iest chocolate ever inside the box, not unless we look at the labels and pick whatever it is that we want to have but where’s the fun of it? Or not unless, we are born to follow a specific routine and that we are called “robots” though I know some and it pains me to see how unfulfilled they are with their lives, full of boundaries and restrictions. People who are controlled and become selfish oh well, you can only pray for them because the moment you dip your finger in their water you can possibly become like them.

 Point is Life should be taken as it is, enjoy and savor every dark chocolate, mint chocolate until you get your favorite taste of chocolate and because you waited for it, it will give you a sense of appreciation or we can choose our chocolates each day but it’s not every day that we are lucky to have that privilege or probably we get tired of it and choose a different one until we find that sense of fulfillment but I say, just take them, eyes closed, open mouth, happy heart and be surprised of  the adventure of tasting each and every chocolate that you are gonna get.

Besides all of them are chocolates, all of them are supposed to be good.

You’ll never know, maybe all your life you just wanted to have a milk chocolate but because you believe that there is something more to life, you taste something better.

“New life is constant, new life is forever”

This too shall pass

I Corinthians 10:12 
"This too shall pass."

They say that wisdom without application is worthless, I never thought that life can hit me this hard, when I’m already thriving and suffocated. It’s hard to actually apply the things that I’ve learned in my walk as a Christian with this experience. As I look back and ponder on the things that I have learned, I couldn’t quite grasp the Idea of forgiving and deal with criticism. I think God wants me to learn it now, as I read this in the bible, Joshua 1:9 “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." I’m blessed that I have a loving Father who talks to me, who knows my ways and who knows my heart even if I haven’t started talking to Him yet. He says: people make mistakes therefore it is essential that you learn how to deal with criticism. Not all criticism is constructive; quite often people's disapproval of your actions is personal and offensive. You must not become defensive or react in anger. You are called to be patient and wise when you deal with disagreements and conflict. You must listen carefully and respond lovingly. Your response to criticism must be done in a godly manner. You must accept everyone’s mistake and trust ME to set things right.



So I asked myself: ~do you have the patience to burn in the fire of your Soul's purification? Can you allow your ego to be burned up through the humble trials of the human experience? Can you die to the fear of your fears and face a new fear daily knowing that it is how you grow?  I know in my heart that humility is the key to overcome this, which I am just one out of the many seekers who are unique and special in their own way that thrives for the meaning of life. This experience was a shock and it caught me off guard but God told me that “this too shall pass” 



So I let go, I give up and I will accept all the things that will come my way and apply the knowledge that’s within me. We all signed up for stress and complications in search of love and for the infinite, “What then shall we say to all this? If God is for us, who can be against us? Who can be our foe, if God is on our side? He who did not withhold or spare even His own Son but gave Him up for us all, will He not also with Him freely and graciously give us all other things?”Romans 8: 31-32



So I say, I will have a good fight for you Lord, the one that is just and walk in your affirmation.1 Corinthians 13:6-7 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.