Just keep swimming!

I have been a bum for three months and I can’t help but be annoyed with myself because up until now I couldn’t predict what’s going to happen with my life or let’s just say that I’m so worried about my future because I feel like there is nothing really productive with what I’m doing now, since I have set high standards to attain my dream in time.

As a Christian, we are taught to have faith.  Faith in our God or let’s put it this way, faith in anything that is a higher power or in ourselves etc. and I must say that I’m having troubles regarding that matter now I’m losing faith in myself. There I said it! I couldn’t believe for the first time ever in my entire life that I’m doubting myself, my capabilities to pursue my lifelong dream to become a highly skilled architect just because I couldn’t get the job that I want and I couldn’t accept the fact that I have idle time. I thought to myself “I don’t think le Corbusier or I.M PEI had lazy days or an ‘I am a bum’ on their foreheads, or telling that to their friends, like seriously? I don’t think so!!!”

Well, they say actually it’s a proverb “Faith without action is dead” but what does it really mean?  So what I did was, I typed in faith first and did shift F7 in ms word and I was given a bunch of synonyms but the word that caught me was trust. The offshoot of faith and trust is? Guess what? Yup, CERTAINTY.  And damn, that’s the word that I have been looking for! If there is certainty in my life right now then I wouldn’t even bother to write a blog but there’s none. That’s why instead of looking for certainty and perfection in our lives we are all taught to have faith because having faith in ourselves, in an idea, or in a cause and trust that we are guided for a perfect solution and outcome would make us step out of our boxes and grow. It gives us hope that our future will be better than the present and that we can create it no matter what our circumstances now.

So here comes action obviously, you can’t win a lottery if you don’t bet on it and take a risk, it only means that our actions prove that we have faith. Otherwise it’s just a stupid mental erection.

Vice versa, “action without faith is dead” we tend to settle for what is good and not the best because we lack faith and trust that builds up fear and scarcity consciousness, that we tend to set ourselves up for not having a good outcome. Rather than putting our actions into something important, we end up chasing our tails.

So to end this, all I can say is that I am learning to have faith in myself the hard way. Actually I think every time I experience something awful, I lose faith and it shouldn’t be that way so instead, I tell myself “just keep swimming, just keep swimming” as dory in finding nemo says.